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Quotes - Part 3


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You can fool too many of the people too much of the time.  -James Thurber
It ain't the parts of the Bible that I can't understand that bother me, it is the parts that I do understand.  -Mark Twain
As one psychologist remarked, Humans are a dark cellar in which a maiden aunt and a sex-crazed monkey are locked in mortal combat, the affair being refereed by a rather nervous bank clerk.
The two most abundant things in the universe are Hydrogren and stupidity.  -Harlan Ellison
Anything too stupid to be said, is sung.  -Voltaire
Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside a dog, it's too dark to read.  -Groucho Marx
Of course Australia was marked for glory, for its people had been chosen by the finest judges in England.
My philosophy of life is that the meek shall inherit nothing but debasement, frustration, and ignoble deaths.  -Harlan Ellison
Life does not cease to be funny when people die any more than it ceases to be serious when people laugh.  -George Bernard Shaw
I have, I believe, the courage to doubt everything; I have, I believe, the courage to fight against everything; but I do not have the courage to acknowledge anything, the courage to possess, to own anything.  -Kierkegaard
In a theatre it happened that a fire started off stage.  The clown came out to tell the audience.  They thought it was a joke and applauded. He told them again, and they became still more hilarious.  This is the way, I suppose, that the world will be destroyed--amid the universal hilarity of wits and wags who think it is all a joke.  -Kierkegaard
More than any time in history, mankind now faces a crossroads.  One path leads to despair and utter hopelessness, the other to total extinction.  Let us pray that we have the wisdom to choose correctly.  -Woody Allen
To YOU I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition.  -Woody Allen
Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.  -Groucho Marx
There are all kinds of ways to forestall graduation.  Taking a term off, getting suspended, not completing courses, all of these are valid.  -Zonker Harris
A witty saying proves nothing.  -Voltaire
Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.  -Arthur C. Clarke
There are two major products that come out of Berkeley: LSD and UNIX.  We don't believe this to be a coincidence.  -Jeremy S. Anderson
And remember, a day without sunshine is like...night!  -Steve Martin
The victor will always judge the defeated, and always find him guilty.  -Goering, during the Nuremberg Trials
Whenever I hear anyone arguing for slavery, I feel a strong impulse to see it tried on him personally.  -Abraham Lincoln
It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.  -Albert Einstein
Some grow with responsibility, others just swell.
Rules for writing:
    Do not put statements in the negative form.
    And don't start sentences with a conjunction.
    It is incumbent on one to avoid archaisms.
    If you reread your work, you will find on rereading that a great deal of repetition can be avoided by rereading and editing.
    Never use a long word when a diminutive one will do.
    Unqualified superlatives are the worst of all.
    De-accession euphemisms.
    If any word is improper at the end of a sentence, a linking verb is.
    Avoid trendy locutions that sound flaky.
    Never, ever use repetitive redundancies.
    Also, avoid awkward or affected alliteration.
    Last, but not least, avoid cliches like the plague.
-William Safire
Things should be as simple as possible, but not simpler.  -Albert Einstein
There's nothing I like less than bad arguments for a view that I hold dear.  -Daniel Dennett
Passionate hatred can give meaning and purpose to an empty life.  -Eric Hoffer
Have you ever wondered if taxation without representation was cheaper?
There is no limit to the amount of good that people can accomplish, if they don't care who gets the credit.
Among the chief weapons of UNIX:  Fear, surprise and ruthless efficiency.
There's an old proverb that says just about whatever you want it to.
Men occasionally stumble over the truth, but most of them pick themselves up and hurry off as if nothing had happened.  -Winston Churchill
Once there was a time when all people believed in God and the church ruled.  This time is called the Dark Ages.
The most exciting phrase to hear in science, the one that heralds new discoveries, is not "Eureka!" (I found it!) but "That's funny..."  -Isaac Asimov
A celibate clergy is an especially good idea, because it tends to suppress any hereditary propensity toward fanaticism.  -Carl Sagan
It is fatal to be right when the rest of the world is wrong.  -Brother Theodore
Just because something doesn't do what you planned it to do doesn't mean it's
useless.
 -Thomas Edison.
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it, misdiagnosing it and then misapplying the wrong remedies.  -Groucho Marx
Liberty lies in the hearts of men and women; when it dies there, no constitution, no law, no court can save it.  -Learned Hand
A woman is asked why she cuts the ends off a ham before baking it. She explains that her mom alway did so. Her mom explains that she learned it from grandma. And grandma says, "Silly, my pan was too short for the entire ham."
Taint what a man don't know that hurts him; it's what he knows that just ain't so.
Singing is a trick to get people to listen to music for longer than they would ordinarily.  -David Byrne
Nuclear weapons can wipe out life on Earth, if used properly.  -David Byrne
Schools are for training people how to listen to other people.  -David Byrne
Space People read our mail.  The Space People think that TV news programs are comedies, and that soap operas are news.  The Space People will contact us when they can make money by doing so.  The Space People think factories are musical instruments. They sing along with them.  Each song lasts from 8 a.m. to 5 p.m.  No music on weekends.  -David Byrne
In the future, women will have breasts all over.  In the future, it will be a relief to find a place without culture.  In the future, plates of food will have names and titles.  In the future, we will all drive standing up. In the future, love will be taught on television and by listening to pop songs.  -David Byrne
R:We ought to be doing something constructive.
G:What do you suggest? A short, blunt human pyramid?
-Tom Stoppard, "Rosenkrantz and Guildenstern are Dead"
R:I don't believe in it.
G: What?
R: England.
G: Just a conspiracy of cartographers?
-Tom Stoppard, "Rosenkrantz and Guildenstern are Dead"
Once, during a trial in which she was accused of indecency on stage, the judge asked, "Miss West, are you trying to show contempt for this court?"  She answered, "On the contrary, your Honor, I was doin' my best to conceal it."
The Creation of the Universe was made possible by a grant from Texas Instruments.  -PBS
My work always tried to unite the true with the beautiful; but when I had to choose one or the other, I usually chose the beautiful.  -Hermann Weyl
"There is no disputing about tastes," says the old saw.  In my experience there is little else.  -Robertson Davies
Let others praise ancient times; I am glad I was born in these.  -Ovid (43BC-18AD)
It seems that truth is progressive approximation in which the relative fraction of our spontaneously tolerated residual error constantly diminishes.  -Buckminster Fuller
Women's breasts are like Electric Train Sets:  They're meant for kids, but usually it's the fathers who wind up playin' with them.
If I should cast off this tattered coat,
And go free into the mighty sky;
If I should find nothing there
But a vast blue,
Echoless, ignorant--
What then?
-Stephen Crane
Religion is born in the transformation of metaphor into definition. -Mike Ferris
Santa Claus wears a Red Suit, He must be a communist.
And a beard and long hair, Must be a pacifist.
What's in that pipe that he's smoking?
-Arlo Guthrie
Any government big enough to do things for you is big enough to do things to you.
An elephant is a mouse built to government specifications.
I started to study the Bible.  The first chapter of Genesis didn't go down so bad.  It seemed to me a reasonable story people would tell about creation.  No orders, no rules were laid down except to "be fruitful and multiply."  And I was quite willing.  Then I started to read the second chapter of Genesis, and right away this plain creator had disappeared entirely.  It opened up by calling him Lord God and King God.  And the rules began coming down on us like snowflakes in a Dakota blizzard.  -Jack Miller
It is a sin to regard the fact that God cannot do the impossible as a limitation on his powers.  -Thomas Aquinas
This analogy is like lifting yourself by your own bootstraps.
99 RULE OF PROJECT SCHEDULES: The first 99% of the task takes 90% of the time, and the last 10% takes the other 90%
They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety.  -Benjamin Franklin
Experience should teach us to be most on our guard to protect liberty when the Government's purposes are beneficent. Men born to freedom are naturally alert to repel invasion of their liberty by evil-minded rulers. The greatest dangers to liberty lurk in insidious encroachment by men of zeal, well-meaning but without understanding.  -Justice Louis D. Brandeis, dissenting, Olmstead v. United States
Some praise at morning what they blame at night; / But always think the last opinion right.  -Alexander Pope
It's not denial. I'm just very particular about the reality I choose to accept.  -Calvin
I believe every human has a finite number of heartbeats.  I don't intend to waste any of mine running around doing exercises.  -Neil Armstrong
Trivial:  Any problem that can be solved by a Nobel Laureate in less than 24 hours.  -Dr. Andrew Dienes
Drugs have taught an entire generation of American kids the metric system.  -P.J. O'Rourke
If we let people see that kind of thing, there would never again be any war.  -senior Pentagon official on reasons why United States military censored footage showing Iraqi soldiers sliced in two by U.S. helicopter fire
...all life is only a set of pictures in the brain, among which there is no difference betwixt those born of real things and those born of inward dreamings, and no cause to value the one above the other.  -H.P. Lovecraft
Without will, without individuals, there are no heroes.  But neither are there villians and the absence of villians is as prostrating, as soul-destroying, as the absence of heroes.  -Gertrude Himmelfarb
Surely few if any readers have come across the sentence they are now reading, and someone who had by chance heard or seen it could not possibly remember such a fact.  -Noam Chomsky
The problem with the global village is all the global village idiots.  -P.Ginsparg
Thanks, for a country where nobody is allowed to mind his own business.  Thanks, for a nation of finks.  -William S. Burroughs, "A Thanksgiving Prayer"
It seems that 'national security' is the root password to the Constitution.  As with any dishonest superuser, the best countermeasure is strong encryption.  -Phil Karn
What would you do with a brain if you had one?  -Dorothy to the Scarecrow, The Wizard Of Oz
Where would Christianity be if Jesus got eight to fifteen years with time off for good behavior?  -New York State Senator James Donovan, speaking in support of capital punishment.
Not only is there more stupidity than anything else in terms of universal quantity, but there is a wonderful quality to this stupidity. It is so intensely perfect that it completely overwhelms whatever it is that nature has piled up on the other pan of the scale.

Stupidity is replicating itself at an astonishing rate. It breeds easily and is self-financing.

The person who stands up and says, "This is stupid," either is asked to 'behave' or, worse, is greeted with a cheerful "Yes, we know! Isn't it terrific!
 -Frank Zappa "All About Schmucks" in The Real Frank Zappa Book
There is nothing more difficult to take in hand, or perilous to conduct, or more uncertain in its success, than to take the lead in the introduction of a new order of things.  -Niccolo Machiavelli
Effective searching procedures become, when the search-space is sufficiently large, indistinguishable from true creativity.  -Richard Dawkins (?)
What information consumes is rather obvious: it consumes the attention of its recipients.  Hence a wealth of information creates a poverty of attention, and a need to allocate that attention efficiently among the overabundance of information sources that might consume it.  -Herbert Simon
The fact that stares one in the face is that people of the greatest sincerity and of all levels of intelligence differ and have always differed in their religious beliefs.  Since at most one faith can be true, it follows that human beings are extremely liable to believe firmly and honestly in something untrue in the field of revealed religion.  One would have expected this obvious fact to lead to some humility, to some thought that however deep one's faith, one may conceivably be mistaken.  Nothing is further from the believer, any believer, than this elementary humility.  All in his power...must have his faith rammed down their throats.  In many cases children are indeed indoctrinated with the disgraceful thought that they belong to the one group with superior knowledge who alone have a private wire to the office of the Almighty, all others being less fortunate than they themselves.  -Hermann Bondi
If that is the way the winds are blowing, let no one say I do not also blow.  -Mayor Quimby
The mark of a good conspiracy theory is its untestability.  -Andrew Spring
We do, however, draw the line at professional wrestling and brown-nosing foreign dictators.  I'm reminded of something [former British Prime Minister Benjamin] Disraeli once said to a colleague in Parliament.  'Honourable Sir, it's true that I am a low, mean snake.  But you, sir, could walk beneath me wearing a top hat.'  -Rupert Murdoch
It is easier to build a road than to build an organization to maintain that road.  -Arturo Israel
The Sufis advise us to speak only after our words have managed to pass through three gates.  At the first gate, we ask ouselves, 'Are these words true?'  If so, we let them pass on; if not, back they go.  At the second gate, we ask, 'Are they necessary?'  At the last gate, we ask, 'Are they kind?'  -Eknath Easwaran
It is dark; you are likely to be eaten by a grue. -Zork
You are in a maze of testy little Java VMs, all subtly different.
Naturally, the common people don't want war, but after all, it is the leaders of a country who determine the policy, and it is always a simple matter to drag people along whether it is a democracy, or a fascist dictatorship, or a parliament, or a communist dictatorship. Voice or no voice, the people can always be brought to the bidding of the leaders. This is easy. All you have to do is tell them they are being attacked, and denounce the pacifists for lack of patriotism and exposing the country to danger. It works the same in every country. -Hermann Goering
The basic tool for the manipulation of reality is the manipulation of words. If you can control the meaning of words, you can control the people who must use them. -Philip K. Dick
Give me liberty or give me something of equal or lesser value from your glossy 32 page catalog. -Seen in a slashdot sig
I can picture a world without war, without hate. I can picture us attacking that world, because they'd never expect it. -Seen in a slashdot sig

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